Tribute to Real Men #1: Sean Connery

In this world gone mad, there's a severe shortage of real, beef jerky-eating, lumber-sawing men. A lot of you will think these posts in my forthcoming series "Tributes to Real Men" are jokes. They're not. I'm dead serious when I say that we need to see more recognition for real men when we live in a world populated by Ben Afflecks and Orlando Blooms.

Sean Connery is my first installment because he was the first guy I thought of when I thought of this idea (Well actually I should give credit to Maddox for the idea, but I'm just expanding on it). Sean Connery always played the best damn movie characters, and did pretty well for himself outside of movies too. Go here to see an astonishing list of awesome facts about him: http://imdb.com/name/nm0000125/bio

Anyhow, what makes Sean Connery a good addition to my little hall of fame primarily resides in the roles he played. Obviously, he was the best James Bond ever. He was a COMPLETE HARDASS as Bond and that was what the role needed. Roger Moore tried to be way too softspoken in the role, and Pierce Brosnan tried to act way too witty. Sean Connery was the only guy to ever play Bond correctly: a hardass who was constantly in control of every situation. Hell, he could be sitting there, tied up in the villain's lair, and he'd be smiling at the guy, figuring out how to escape the whole time. The problem with the other Bonds is that they all let their emotions show way too much. Sean Connery kept his cool and always wound up winning, and far more impressively than anything Roger Moore ever did.

And that's not even taking into account his other awesome roles in flicks like the Untouchables, his woefully underused but staggeringly badass Juan Sanchez Villa Lobos Ramirez character in Highlander, and hell even his somewhat comedic relief role in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade was still pretty cool. And how could I forget him in The Man Who Would be King? That is a movie I recommend for ANYONE to see because it's a fantastic epic movie. And Sean Connery, once again, comes off like a total master in it. Fantastic acting, and the best mutton chops ever. And that reminds me: the other huge reason is facial hair. Anyone who knows me knows that's one of the main ways I qualify men as manly, is through their various facial hair regimes. Connery has had everything in the book, from a moustache/semi-goatee in Highlander to the aforementioned chops, to the full beard he's favored for about the last 20 years. He can pull em all off and I commend that.

Back to Bond quick. Notice how when Sean Connery played Bond, he didn't really care what anyone thought of him. That new Bond Daniel Craig, though I like him as an actor, more than likely waxes his chest or some crap for those beach scenes. Sean Connery is one hairy bastard and he didn't give a crap. He takes his shirt off and just does whatever. And with women, Connery's Bond was definitely the most proactive. He didn't wait for the women to come to him, he GOT the Bond chicks, and if they couldn't keep up with him, then too bad, it was time for another adventure. He left the sappy stuff for George Lazenby.

One final thing: when he decided he'd made enough ludicrous amounts of money and made enough awesome movies, he just said: "Okay that's it, I'm done" and retired to go get drunk on Guinness and play golf. He didn't hang around and harangle for massive paydays in movies he knew would suck, he just said he was done and that was that. And in corollary to that, he vowed to not return to Scotland until it was an independent nation. That takes some brass ones considering it was his home country and I'm sure he misses it.

So hats off to Sean Connery, the first inductee into my Hall of Fame for Real Men.